The words of her father flowed freely and confidently from her lips. She said, "Jenni, before time existed, God set this day aside for you and everything in it. And no one or nothing can take away or add to what God has already prepared and set aside for you this very day. If that door is open for you, it is open. And nothing on this earth can shut it. If that door is closed for you, it is closed. And nothing on this earth can open it. The chapters of your life have already been written. It is your job to walk it out in obedience." It gave me a misplaced comfort. I wanted to argue with my mother. You see, I have been without a full-time job for 8 months. I desperately wanted her to "get it". She added with an air of certainty, "That job is out there, and it is yours. NO ONE can take it from you. That job has been set aside just for you before time existed." In my mind I was thinking, she didn't answer any of my most pressing questions. How am I suppose to live on 25% of my previous salary? How am I suppose to pay make a house payment? A nakedness enveloped me, and I confessed, "God, it's been 8 months. I am tired of trusting you. It's too hard, and I am tired." It felt less like a confession and more like a bitter betrayal. Of course the shame and guilt immediately took up residence in my heart. I viciously fought against those feeling, because I absolutely know who God is. He is faithful even when we are not. His love never changes no matter my circumstance or performance. Most importantly, God desires an honest relationship with his children. And if anything, I was being honest.
I should know this by now, but my mother does "get it". Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." How can I forget that God is the Author and Perfecter of my faith? Now, when people ask me what kind of job I'm looking for, I tell them that I am looking for nothing short of the job God created for me before time existed.
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