Pigs Food

Luke 15:16 NLT  "The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him."  I love the story of the prodigal son.  It's my story.  It penetrates to the very core of my sinful but rescued heart.  Throughout my christian life, I must have heard a thousand times this story of the running father (Luke 15:20), the shameful son and their glorious reunion.  (On a very important side note, God is a runner.  Running is biblical....just sayin.)  But never had I pondered Luke 15:16.  Before God set my heart free, I was hopelessly searching to be filled and to feel whole.  My brokenness felt so empty, and I just wanted to feel fixed and normal.  However, I believed every lie that satan told me:  You have gone too far.  No one will ever want you or love you, especially God;  You are too broken.  You cannot be fixed;  You have done deplorable acts that cannot be forgiven;  You can never go home after what you have done.  When I began to feel as though I had truly blown it, I sought solace in things of the world.  I had given up hope.  I yearned to be whole and feel whole.  I could not possibly conceptualize it at the time, but I understand now that what I was searching for was Christ.  He is the ONLY thing that can fill me and make me feel whole.  An insatiable longing to feel whole caused me to view "pigs' food" as desirable just like the prodigal son did.  It's hard to imagine that pig slop could look good to me.  It became clear through my actions that a sinful heart wants for sinful things.  I engaged in reckless, selfish behavior.  I bulldozed through this life with no regard for anyone or anything around me.  Nothing or no one was sacred.  Even now, it is shameful to admit.  There are still many who have never forgiven me, who have a deep disdain for me, and rightfully so.  


I was so spiritually famished and starving that I ate whatever appeared satisfying in a futile attempt to be filled.  However the truth remains the same, I need and want for absolutely nothing when I seek God's face.  My past life, compared to what God has planned for me, is pigs' food.  Because anything short of wanting what God wants for us is like eating a pig 's leftovers.